Consumer Guide for Today's Media

Is Britney back, y’all?

Forget her 2007 VMAs comeback that wasn’t – where her performance of her single “Gimme More” left everyone begging for less – and focus on, if nothing else, the numbers that Brit’s guest appearance on How I Met Your Mother produced. Ms. Spears’ turn as receptionist Abby netted the CBS sitcom over 10 million viewers, its highest ratings ever. So no, Brit may not be accessorizing her bookcases with Emmys anytime soon, but people are still fascinated by her.

Dad Jamie – the newly appointed conservator of his daughter’s estate and supposedly the man responsible for getting Brit the role on How I Met Your Mother – liked the routine that the filming schedule gave Britney. Fellow cast members on the show liked Brit’s professionalism, saying that she came to the set knowing her lines better than they did. Execs at CBS liked the spike in ratings for the show. So what does this mean?

Reports are surfacing that CBS is going to begin giving Brit guest appearances on other network shows and will eventually let the pop princess have her own show. Let’s hope it’s not as Chaotic as her last foray into television – and not as sexual, either. Gross.

I have to say, I thought Brit’s performance on How I Met Your Mother was pretty good – and even tmz.com agrees with me, which never happens. As long as she stays out of barbershops and away from paparazzo boyfriends, I’d say she’s getting herself back on track.

You go girl!

It’s baby season in Hollywood, and the paparazzos are out in full force.

Pregnant Jessica Alba – who has always been fiercely protective of her privacy but is even more so now that she’s got a little one in her belly – frequently uses big shopping bags to cover her growing bump, which is what will net the photogs the big bucks if they can get a shot of it. Angelina Jolie has never confirmed publicly that she is expecting her fifth – and sixth, if reports are true that they’re expecting twins – child with partner Brad Pitt, but the media picked up on her hint when she revealed her bump at a recent awards gala. Jamie Lynn Spears never wants to talk about her pregnancy, but the cameras still follow her as she shops for gifts to put on her baby registry – picked out in gender neutral colors, to hopefully throw the hungry paparazzi off the scent.

Why is everyone so fascinated with pregnant celebrities? The past month has seen Christina Aguilera, Nicole Ritchie, and Jennifer Lopez all on the cover of People with their bundles of joy – and I assume Halle Berry and her newborn daughter are next. When celebrities like Nicole Kidman announce their pregnancy, a pack of photogs descend on them like they have never heard of a pregnant woman before.

And for the poor starlets who gain half an inch to their waist, the media takes a mile – suddenly they’re pregnant. Just ask Jennifer Love Hewitt, this week’s victim of false pregnancy assumptions.

I can understand Jessica’s annoyance, Angelina’s silence, and Jamie Lynn’s secrecy about the sex of her baby. Pregnancy is a very personal matter, something to only be shared between the woman who is pregnant, her partner, and the loved ones that they choose to invite into the excitement. Really, celebrity pregnancies are no one’s business. But there is something about a baby bump that sells magazines – I’ll admit it, I’ve bought ‘em – and the paparazzos won’t let up.

I salute the pregnant celebrities who put up with the madness that is the paparazzi – I’m not sure if I could do it. To Jessica, I say hold that Nieman Marcus bag right at your belly if you want to. Angelina, no words are necessary – your pregnancy is your own business. And to Jamie Lynn, I’m just sorry that you have to face such a daily media onslaught at such a young age.

Pregnancy is one of life’s most beautiful gifts, and it should be respected as such. The media should keep their notepads and cameras at a distance and allow these stars to experience this miracle in peace.

Enough preaching.

You’d think that after 16 years as host of NBC’s The Tonight Show, Jay Leno would realize that every word that comes out of his mouth – whether they be said during his opening monologue or during interviews with the many celebrities he draws each year – has the potential to be scrutinized, analyzed, and examined.

Apparently Mr. Leno didn’t get the memo.

He’s apologizing today for remarks he made last week in an on-air interview with Stop-Loss’ Ryan Phillippe. In talking about Phillippe’s first role as a gay teenager on the soap opera One Life to Live, Leno asked him to look into the camera and give it his “gayest look.” An obviously very uncomfortable Phillippe said “that is so something I don’t want to do.”

Gay activists such as GLAAD president Neil G. Giuliano praised Phillippe for his actions but cried foul over Leno’s – Giuliano said “we are proud of Ryan for refusing to participate in Leno’s thoughtless attempt at humor. Under the guise of comedy, the talk show host is demonstrating a lack of respect for the gay community and insensitivity to both his co-workers and the audience, to whom he owes an apology.”

Leno granted Giuliano his wish and apologized today – but c’mon Leno, you should know better than to say things like that in the first place. Your words and the words of all of the other celebrities you talk to are studied more than a history textbook. Just do the front page test – if you aren’t comfortable with every word you say winding up on the front page of The New York Times, then dude, don’t say it. We know you meant no harm, but let’s get real here. You’re a professional, right?

Kudos to Phillippe for refusing to participate in any joking that pokes fun at anyone, and may this be a lesson to Leno and all other celebrities that the world, whether you like it or not, really is listening to what you say.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed lately but half of Hollywood is pregnant is the other half has just had babies. On magazine covers everywhere the strategically placed pose of the husband, mom and new baby has become as common of a cover story as a Britney Spears’ meltdown.

For the past couple of years, gossip magazines have been waging a bidding war for exclusive rights to publish the babies’ first public photos. Fueled by competition and bragging rights, magazines like US Weekly and People will pay millions of dollars for the rights even when the issue sells only a fraction of that investment.

According to Vanity Fair magazine, People paid $4.1 million for newborn photos of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt in 2006. International rights for that one set of pictures earned about $10 million, making it the most expensive celebrity image of all time.

People.com set a new single-day traffic record of 26.5 million page views. Just to put that into perspective, Us Weekly cites that they receive about 2 million unique hits per month.

Recently the bidding war reached a staggering new high. $4.1 million? That’s chump change. Jolie is pregnant with twins and the reported amount for the first photos is $12 million in the US alone.

So, by these standards, becoming pregnant in Hollywood has become more profitable than actually getting a role. Jolie was only paid $8 million for her 2007 film Beowulf. If the Jolie-Pitt’s hadn’t donated all the picture money to charity I would say that this might be why she has six kids.

The life of a celebrity has its perks – money, fame, and power, just to name a few – but it also has its pitfalls. Just ask Uma Thurman, who testified in Manhattan State Supreme Court yesterday against her accused stalker Jack Jordan.

In November 2005, Thurman was shooting a movie in downtown New York City when Jordan “approached her trailer on the set and requested to see her,” People reports. Jordan was stopped by Thurman’s assistant, who promised to deliver a card he had made for her.

The card – “bearing a picture of an open grave and a man standing on the edge of a razor blade” – left Thurman “completely freaked out. It was like a nightmare. It was scary,” she said.

The card also contained the message “my hands should be on your body at all times.”

Scarier still, when Thurman let her family know about the card she received, her father told her that he had gotten E-mails from Jordan, who had also attempted to contact Thurman’s mother and brother.

“I felt a stone drop in my stomach,” she said. “The idea that this had a history made it even more terrifying.”

Thurman is not alone in her terror – this month, pop star Deborah Gibson filed a restraining order against her own stalker, Bassas Jorge Puigdollers, who continually showed up at Gibson’s hotel and house and who prompted Gibson to file a restraining order after he knocked on her door.

“That was crossing a line, so that was really scary,” Gibson said. “I am a single female, so I reacted like anyone would and called 911. I’m very good at reacting calmly in the moment, but then I fall apart later.”

Perhaps one of the most famous celebrity stalker cases involved My Sister Sam star Rebecca Schaeffer, who was stalked and later shot and killed by a fanatic fan, Robert Bardo, in 1989. Coincidentally and creepily, posters of Schaeffer as well as Gibson patterned the walls in his bedroom.

“I was very young at the time, but it was scary, because I realized that whether you live or die can come down to security,” Gibson said. “This woman answered her door and was killed. From then, I’ve always had good security. I can’t let it slow me down.”

Celebrities need not only watch out for the paparazzi’s pursuits but also the chase of crazed admirers and followers who can be deceiving, dodgy, and dangerous. Though celebrity life has its benefits and though fame carries with it bonuses, it is the utter lack of privacy and constant need of protection that makes recognition maddening and makes its downfalls worthy of our attention.

Miley, girl, you kind of did it to yourself.

I still can’t understand why Miley Cyrus, 15, star of the Disney Channel’s hit Hannah Montana and an icon to kids and tweens everywhere, even spoke up in the first place about some Vanity Fair photos shot by renowned photographer Annie Leibovitz. In the photos Miley is actually clothed, but it appears that she is topless – and because it is an artistic photograph, no one would have probably said anything if Cyrus didn’t drum up the brouhaha herself.

It could be that the top execs at Disney felt it appropriate that Miley should release a statement defending the photos before the issue of Vanity Fair hit newsstands, preempting any strike that the media might take on the young Cyrus. That leads me to another point about celebrity and the media, specifically the media and Miley – lay off, paparazzi!

She’s 15. She’s going to make mistakes. We all made mistakes when we were 15, we just weren’t living under a microscope, a magnifying glass of media and mayhem that surround her daily life.

The Vanity Fair hubbub comes just on the heels of racy, controversial photos that circulated the Internet of Miley posing sexily in a green bra and showing her midriff – and these photos weren’t artistically shot by Annie Leibovitz but by Miley herself, apparently to be send to a boy toy. You can well imagine the media frenzy that surrounded these photos.

Yes, she is a role model to kids, tweens, and now even teens across the country, but really, is criticizing the poor girl for enjoying Sex and the City really any of your business, media? And just for the record, she only watches the sanitized version shown on TBS.

Many celebs have spoken out against the media craziness surrounding Miley, encouraging the press to give it a rest, just as I have. Designer Michael Kors said simply “I don’t understand what the hubbub is about,” in reference to Miley’s Vanity Fair photos. “I think they’re beautiful pictures. Girls I went to high school with wore strapless dresses to the senior prom. So, I don’t get it. What’s the big deal?” Rosie O’Donnell, on her Internet blog, said “leave Miley Cyrus alone.” Tyra Banks echoed O’Donnell when on The View last Wednesday she said “she is a 15-year-old, and I just wish everybody would leave her alone!”

Miley – who said she felt "so embarrassed” about the Vanity Fair photos – skipped the red carpet at this weekend’s Disney Channel games “on the advice of her management team” to avoid “a media feeding frenzy.”

She’s just a kid, people. Give her a break. But Miley, I personally still think you never should have said anything about those Vanity Fair photos in the first place – don’t give them anything to talk about, and don’t provoke them. They will take the bait.

And in an effort to always give you a fair and balanced report on this blog, Beth Kseniak, a spokeswoman for both Vanity Fair and Annie Leibovitz, had this to say – “Miley’s parents and/or minders were on the set all day. Since the photo was taken digitally, they saw it on the shoot and everyone thought it was a beautiful and natural portrait of Miley.”

I think it’s fair to say that the lines between what’s scripted and real have become extremely blurred on reality TV shows. Hopefully we’ve all learned to watch them with a certain grain of salt, at least that’s what I thought before I watched The Hills the other day with a few of my girlfriends. You would have thought that Spencer had been dating one of my friends.

The reality star had flown to Colorado to “surprise” his ex-finance, Heidi, after she broke up with him and wasn’t answering his calls. My friends were yelling at the screen. As if Spencer could hear them, girls were giving him advice about how he should leave Heidi alone and fly back to LA. And if that wasn’t bad enough, heated arguments about the situation continued into the break. Why did Heidi break up with him? Should he have visited her?

Yes, I’m admitting it. My friends actually believe this stuff is real. I’m so ashamed. The absurdity of The Hills infuriates me. It’s fine if you take it for what it is, a scripted show crafted by MTV for pure entertainment value. But to truly think that you are looking into a window of the life of ordinary people is completely unrealistic.

And it’s not just my friends that seem to believe this stuff. The Hills is a phenomenon that has swept the entertainment and media industries. Drama between the main characters is covered religiously on entertainment news programs and in magazines as if it were the real thing. In March alone, The Hills stars Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag each graced covers of US Weekly. The one with Lauren frowning on the cover next to the headline “How I Was Stabbed in the Back” followed by a detailed six page spread detailing her “betrayal” is actually laughable. US Weekly seems to invest so much of their time covering the whereabouts of the show’s characters that I often wonder if they have some secret deal with MTV.

Although it bothers me, I’ve come to expect US Weekly to capitalize on the popularity of The Hills. But now, much to my dismay, reputable publications are getting in on the action. Rolling Stone is jumping in on the moneymaking bandwagon by putting The Hills girls (scantily clad in just their undies) on this month’s cover.

Although the show gets intense media coverage and publicity, I feel like slowly but surely people are starting to get the clue. Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton has been merciless in his scrutiny of the “reality” show. This past week his post titled “More Hills Fakery” called for the editors to at least cover their tracks better.

How many of you noticed this bullshit last night????
The Hills needs to whip their editors into shape!
The show again failed to cover up another 'scripted' reality moment.
In Monday's episode, Spencer is seen at Heidi's doorstep with black shoes on his feet, but…..
When he enters her apartment, the shoes magically turn to white.
Magic!!!!!!
Does MTV just not care anymore about covering up the sham?????

It’s not just Perez that notices the many discrepancies in the reality of the show. The Wikipedia page of The Hills yields a whole “controversy” section that spells out each instance of Hills fakery in a bulleted list. Earlier this month, a previous “love interest” of Lauren Conrad went on VH1’s Best Week Ever and described how the show is completely set up by producers. He was scouted by a producer to go on a date with Lauren, he was given “suggested” questions to ask her, there was even a fake barbeque set up in order for Lauren’s new love interest to interact with her old one.

FAKE FAKE FAKE and I’ve called it from the first episode of Laguna Beach four years ago.

However, fake or not, the show is a cash cow. The first episode of the extended portion of season three in March 2008 was the year's highest rated cable telecast up to that point averaging about 4.7 million viewers. Teen Vogue, the magazine where Conrad and Whitney Port intern has also benefited from the success of the show. Since the second season of The Hills began airing in mid-January, newsstand sales for the magazine increased by double digits over 2006 sales.

The numbers are pretty staggering. I wonder how many of those viewers believe what they see? How long will The Hills remain under the guise of reality? I hope not too much longer, I’m starting to lose my mind. And to my dear friends, we have enough drama in our own lives; we don’t need to spend our time arguing about someone else’s.