Working for an elected leader definitely has its perks, but dealing with constituent letters, emails, phone calls and visits can be a frustrating experience.
During the first couple weeks of this internship, I knew the organization of state agencies about as well as the inquiring caller themselves. I used Google to find the answers to most of their questions or put their calls on hold while I attempted to find the answer from another coworker. I used my politest voice while talking to them, but had to remain assertive with the difficult ones who refused to hear the correct answer because it did not help them.
Well, despite this assertiveness, there are some things I was not able to say, as an intern, to these constituents that I wish I could have. Behold, the mind of an intern:
Scenario 1: Save the minis!
Problem: Pictures of "starving" and sickly miniature horses on a farm in Unionville, Kan., have found a home on YouTube. Miniature horse lovers from Texas to Canada are upset that more action has not been taken in this case and decided to call the Governor's office to complain.
Official response: "The Governor is aware of this situation and we are monitoring the case. The county sheriff has given the farmer 30 days to remedy the problem, but they are collaborating with the Kansas Chapter of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals and other state agencies. Please contact the sheriff or attorney if you have resources to share or want to share your concern.
Another point of view: Really? There are starving kids in Africa. No, there are starving kids in Kansas and you are calling me about minis? Thanks for calling, please don't get your panties in a wad. We've got it covered. And oh, that YouTube video you made, thanks for ruining any Sarah McLaughlin song I might ever listen to again.
PS- What about the goats?
Scenario 2: Get out of jail free.
Problem: The Michigan caller's son is currently incarcerated in a Kansas Prison. The inmate was a formerly in the Air Force and living with family in Kansas before being tried and convicted of raping a child. The father wants his son to be released to his home in Michigan so that the inmate's parents can "make him into a productive member of society" because he couldn't have possibly raped anyone because he is "a real God-fearing man."
Official response: "All requests for pardons and clemency have to go through the Department of Corrections. You will need to contact them to receive the appropriate paperwork for this process."
Another point of view: No flippin' way. Tried AND convicted? Your son is going no where, nor should he. There are consequences for your son's actions, so just quit trying to make excuses for him.
Scenario 3: Kids pack, please!
Problem: A fifth grade Alaskan girl needs to know the exact words to the Kansas State Song for a school research project. She sent a letter, which was promptly answered by the "Governor", but snail mail was not fast enough and she demanded the office email her first thing Monday morning.
Official response: She was sent an entire packet of information about the State of Kansas, including the lyrics to the state song. Her email was also answered with the words.
Another point of view: Try Google, sweetheart. What are schools teaching you these days when instead of doing the dumb research yourself, you ask people to look up the information and then sent it to you? When I was your age I had to actually walk into the book stacks in the library to pull an encyclopedia off the shelf and copy the information. How about you try that too?
Scenario 4: Blame game
Problem: A 2006 alum of the University of Kansas never completed English 102 in order to complete the graduation requirements. Now he is afraid he might lose a good job offer without the diploma so he wants the Governor to intervene and waive the necessary class since his "engineering school advisors never informed him that he needed the class."
Official response: "I'll connect you with the Board of Regents since they oversee all the Universities in the State, but they might need to direct you to another person that will help."
Another point of view: Did you complete the requirements for graduation? No! Should you get your diploma anyways? No! If you spent five years in college like you say you did, you had plenty of time to look at your ARTS form to verify your graduation status. You need to grow up and take responsibility for your education. The Governor will not waive this, nor will the University. Yah, ENGL 102 sucks, but get over it.
Scenario 5: Why ain't we more like Oklahoma?
Problem: According to some riled-up constituents, immigrants are taking American jobs in Kansas, using our state resources, not following laws and they're just different than us! Kansas should pass legislation similar to Oklahoma that unconstitutionally cracks down on illegal immigrants in their state. One Kansan even called to oppose a highway he thought was being built from Texas to Kansas because that would just make it easier for "those immigrants to get here!"
Official response: While immigration does require a federal response, the Governor is taking action to reduce the hiring of illegal immigrants. Additionally, the Kansas National Guard was deployed to build a fence on the Arizona-Mexico border. (There's more to this response, but I do not have the letter at my disposal.)
Another point of view: What is this? Modern day McCarthyism? Asking the Governor to drive down to a corner in your hometown because you claim all the people standing there are illegal immigrants isn't just a bad idea, it is unintelligent. Get your facts straight on what resources immigrants are actually eligible to use before you call complaining. I know it is an issue, but you are ridiculous.
Comments (4)
This is a nice, concise, and funny piece. I always dig writing that gives you insight into the mechanics of a given profession (or internship, etc.).
Posted by Ryan McG | October 16, 2007 10:09 PM
Posted on October 16, 2007 22:09
I promise not to call in with a stupid question on your watch!
Posted by Tassay | October 18, 2007 12:21 PM
Posted on October 18, 2007 12:21
Who are these people? It's hard to imagine what kind of person actually thinks a phone call is the best way to resolve these "issues" and, in some cases, thinks the Governor's office is the best place to call.
Calling to have the Governor excuse you for not taking ENGL 102 during your five-year college career? I filled that requirement before I graduated from high school. I'd say whatever company offered him a job dodged a bullet there. Something tells me he wouldn't be the kind of employee who would take responsibility for his mistakes (of which there would probably be many).
Scenario 3 was hilarious! Where are this girl's parents and teacher? I sometimes feel like the Internet has made research too easy for kids these days (and even for me). Yet, it never occurred to a fifth grader, and whoever she might have asked for help, that about 15 seconds on a computer would've solved her problem (and saved on postage). I fear for our future.
All I can say about Scenario 2 is: Hmmm, and just how many child-molesting men of the cloth are God-fearing, too? I think you should have spoken your mind on this one, Jenny, because apparently nobody ever has to this family.
Finally, as much as we kid about the minis, you bring up a valid point. How did it happen that society has become more concerned about the well-being of animals than human beings?
These people who were offering to spend however many hundreds of dollars to rescue the minis just seem misguided, when that money could be going to those still trying to get back on their feet in New Orleans. Am I the only one who gets the impression that these people (and members of PETA) are the kind of people who never got married, or had children, and instead live with about a dozen cats (or minis) running around their house (or yard)?
Anyway, great piece. For my sake, I hope this won't be the last internship chronicle you write. But for your sake, I hope it is.
Posted by Shawn | October 20, 2007 2:16 PM
Posted on October 20, 2007 14:16
Jenny-loved it. I think you should start planning your run at governor and then onto becoming the 2nd(?)female president in U.S. history. I would be so nice for someone to just tell it like it is and screw offending the loonies. how would grandfather like that career path?
Posted by gail mirostaw | October 23, 2007 1:55 PM
Posted on October 23, 2007 13:55