May the Battle Begin
A phone slams, trash cans are thrown, you dodge clothes as they are hurled out of the window at you….heavy breathing, shaky hands, and tears ensue as your heartbeat kicks in, skyrockets and stays there. Sound familiar yet? With the former hang up perhaps just a month long dating relationship in the latter perhaps years of involvement. In either case if you had been quizzed a month ago on how solid the relationship was you would have undoubtedly said, "its great." You're grandmother could have told you differently, probably something like, "with these things you never know dear." She was right.
Remember that "perfect couple" that got married five years ago only to learn second hand they got divorced two years later? How did that happen? Just how hard is it to keep a relationship alive after the "puppy love" phase of the first few months has gone? There seems to be no easy way.
After a messy break up, I am now entering the single world for the first time in a year, and I found myself attracted to a particular quote from a Chris Rock stand up routine. I think the comedian hit the nail on the head when he once said, "You're either in a relationship and bored as hell or single and lonely as hell."
This break up was so messy in fact that it has me questioning why we try so hard to end up in these situations…spending day after day with the same person, trying to live up to our own abstract notions of what love is.
Sound like Ebenezer Scrooge yet? Well I apologize. It gets worse...if you're looking for long-lasting love and not just the next thing that is. It's a tough world for all you romantics out there.
The statistics don't bode well.
The most commonly cited is that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 75 percent of second marriages see the same fate. As for live-in affairs, the average arrangement ends after 3 years.
How then are we supposed to find "the one" in a pool made up of so many embittered exs and jilted lovers? How many "ones" can there be out there, and how many times do you keep dating and breaking up before you decide to marry?
Due to the ambiguity of the term "relationship" most researchers say that there is no way to determine exactly how many exclusive relationships on average people have before marriage. Some researchers however suggest that teenagers who either don't date much or date just a few steady partners or casual dates go on to have better quality relationships as adults compared to "heavy daters" who have many and/or overlapping relationships as teenagers.
So in response to the question, "is it worth it (to date, love, etc.)?" I have to tell myself to remember all those wonderful feelings at the beginning of a relationship and remember how great it feels to be in love. In addition, doctors will tell you that the presence of a good relationship can cause better oxytocin levels and increase the quality of life for both partners. Not to mention…it is still the way we populate the world.
So maybe you've given up for a while on the whole dating thing, but eventually, in the face of spending your life alone and moving to an ice castle in Alaska, most experts and statistics will tell you that you will probably get back out there and love again…for that is the human prerogative…to be with others and love. Something uniquely human.
In the end I guess boredom wins.