Rockville, MD- At a press conference Friday morning at the headquarters of the Food and Drug Administration, Commissioner Andrew C. von Eschenbach M.D., said that “drinking soda on a daily basis is part of a balanced, healthy lifestyle.”
This comes as a delightful surprise to many Americans who had been told to limit their consumption of soda because of its high sugar and caffeine content. Now, Americans are being encouraged, or rather recommended to guzzle as much soda as possible on a daily basis. “Our goal is for Americans to consume eight glasses of soda a day to achieve the benefits of all of the vitamins and minerals of a nutritious diet” said Eschenbach.
This announcement comes on the heels of new research from the U.S. Department of Agriculture which concludes that the overload of caffeine and high fructose corn syrup found in soda, actually acts as an energy booster. “We have discovered that drinking soda while exercising gives you more energy, makes you more alert, and overall, provides you with a great feeling of rejuvenation” said Secretary of Agriculture Mike Johanns.
To meet the daily requirements, the FDA proposes that Americans drink a can of soda every hour, on the hour, for eight hours. This is the best and most foolproof way to get the recommended daily amount of soda needed for an overall healthy existence.