So it's 4:30 in the morning and it's officially been 32 hours since I last slept and I’ve decided to blog because Facebook just isn't doing if for me right now. I’m not sure when mid terms week was declared finals week also...but I’m pretty sure it's impossible for me to study anymore. So I'm just sitting her at the library thinking about my 20th birthday coming up in the next week and I'm pretty bumbed out about it. Sure it's one year closer to 21 but it's also the end to being a teenager! My teenage years were good to me and I'm a little sad to let them go. I know by no means is 20 old but I feel like now that I’m 20 I have to start growing up....(well kind of). For instance this summer I’ve chosen not to live in KC but to get an apartment with friends, work, take classes, and pay rent. Whatever to happened to free riding off my parents, cooked meals, and laying out from 10 to 4 as my job? I still have the choice of doing so however I’m choosing not to because I want to be on my own. What is wrong with me!? People always talk about our generation "leaving the nest" later then previous generations, and there is data to back this up, but I feel that everyone around me has already planned their next step in life and it doesn't involve moving back in with mom and dad. It's scary to see girls I went to high school sporting engagement rings, and my friends paying off credit card bills. It's horribly sad that I find myself filling out of place in the Hawk and slightly jealous as blackout freshman girls dance in the boom boom room to "call on me". I know come next week I will embrace turning 20 with nothing but excitement and joy with my friends in Mexico but a part of me will still be sad as the most influential years of my life come to an end. Hey if you ask me 20 is the new 17 anyways!
Comments (7)
even though I'm only 18, I see where you're coming from in that your teenage years are almost considered the past now. As for the choice of living on your own instead of mooching off the parents in the summertime is a big step. I was actually considering this option for the summer, but decided not to because of the fact that I'm still a teenager and wouldn't mind having it easy for another few years. enjoy the birthday!
Posted by Adam Samson | March 15, 2007 2:50 PM
Posted on March 15, 2007 14:50
I understand where you are coming from as well. I will be 20 years old in September and the thought of moving out of my teens frightens me at times. It is like you are moving into a totally new realm of accountability; people expect you to know how to do this or be experienced at that. The one thing that scares me about adulthood is failure. So many times you see people who have been successful in their teens, but as adults they forget their purpose and goals in life. They forget the things that made them happy, their sense of life being fun. We are the new generation, so as we move into adulthood does not mean we have to loose that.
Posted by carnez williams | March 16, 2007 9:35 AM
Posted on March 16, 2007 09:35
Oh Jackie, what were you doing up so late? just the joy of late night studying.
I thought your entry was interesting mainly because I think that everyone at some point has this idea running through their head. I have already had a lot of failures in my life, and I at some points in time, not in some others, just tell myself I am still young and that its ok to be where I am with my schooling and everything else, at this time. Its hard to see girls with thousands of internship cards posted on their wall in their room...you know who I am talking about....and then there is you and I who have thousands of pictures of nights out on our walls. Are those girls going to be more successful? its to early to know that.
I think our age group is getting so caught up with being the best, and being that one step ahead of everyone, that we forget the good times and the nights out with our friends. It is those times we will remember, although, we always will remember certain instances like yours of staying up till 4:30 staring at a book that cannot even come to make one line of sense any longer.
I do indeed take my schooling seriously, and am known for staying in a lot to just do homework, but there is always just so much you can do. I have come to accept that also.
So you staying in Lawrence this summer will be fun, and you know it, and as for your parents, they will still be there for the free food, extra house to stay in, and occasional money slip here and there, for along time to come.
Posted by Steph Schneider | March 24, 2007 10:27 AM
Posted on March 24, 2007 10:27
I am 20 and I have found that everything was suddenly just thrust upon me. I went from being a paidlifeguard last summer and hanging out with friends all the time to suddenly having to fill out applications for unpaid internships while other people I know are going abroad to study or out of state to work. It all seems so fast and suddent.
Posted by Kent Travis | March 24, 2007 4:14 PM
Posted on March 24, 2007 16:14
jackie---i didnt read the whole thing, but I can only imagine what you said. You're life is just so damn hard. ha kidding, love u..and I care!
Posted by Lauren Ruddick | March 26, 2007 2:19 PM
Posted on March 26, 2007 14:19
It's really scary thinking that in the next few years we'll be on our own..completely. Thinking about having a steady job and paying bills gives me severe anxiety so I'm planning on staying in college as long as possible!
Posted by Kendall Rooney | March 26, 2007 8:03 PM
Posted on March 26, 2007 20:03
I am 20 as well and I just can't believe how fast college is going. It seemed liked yesterday I was a 18 year old freshman moving into the dorms. I wish college would slow down a little so I could take it all in. I can't believe that this year is almost over. I agree, it is wierd that we have to start mapping out the future. I just need to prepare myself to go into the real world once I leave this fantasy land that we like to call college.
Posted by Phil Mix | March 28, 2007 9:35 AM
Posted on March 28, 2007 09:35