Andrew Neubauer

Today there were two stories and a package.  At the package maker's request, I made up an infograph with the information she had for it.  Then I added her two pictures and edited the story.  One of the stories was about a sorority who was helping little kids read, i got more info about the program from the sorority's main homepage and made a google map with the locations of the school and the sorority house. 

The second story was about international education week.  I added significant new information to the story, like the fact that it was a national program, that sebelius had already proclaimed it for kansas, and that it was 8 years old.  I linked to the text of the original proclamation and some additional info from the week's government factsheet. good times were had by all.

I also got some work done on my final project, so that almost good and done. which will be nice.

Having always lived in close proximity of extremely boisterous and proud Texans, something has always irritated me: the idea that Texas is somehow inherently greater than any other in the union and perhaps even greater than the entire country.  There is even a group that has been trying to get Texas to secede from the union and re-form the Republic of Texas as an independent nation.  
These beliefs all stem from the myth of Texas independence that goes all the way back to the state's formation.  Texans still believe that the state joined to union out of the pure goodness in their hearts.     
As an AMERICAN first and a FLORIDAN/KANSAN second, I feel that it is my sacred duty to set the record straight on the great myth of the Republic of Texas and the state's record as a country.
Texas was not founded by any outstanding, intelligent, or god-like human beings; it was founded as part of a land-grant program when Mexico was in its infancy.  The Mexican government allowed the head of any household to claim land in Texas, regardless of citizenship status.  American slave owners, anxious to find new places to grow tobacco and cotton, jumped on the free land.
Still a bit sore from Spanish control, the Mexican government outlawed slavery in 1829.  Texans were ordered to have all their slaves freed by 1830.  Looking to work around the law, slave owners called the slaves "indentured servants for life."  The Mexican government tried to stem the rowdy group by banning American immigrants to Texas.  The Texas decided to respond in revolt.
When the Texans eventually did win, they immediately asked the United States for entrance into the country.  Unwilling to get sucked into a moronic and costly dispute with Mexico (who still claimed the territory was theirs), the US government kindly declined the offer.  Unable to enter the country that they desperately wanted to be a part of, Texas formed the republic.

Texas finally entered the union as an overwhelmingly pro-slave state in 1845.  In exchange for the US taking on over $10 million worth of debt that the "country" had accrued, the US got territory that became Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, New Mexico and Wyoming.  Many people think (mistakenly) that the bill that annexed Texas was actually a diplomatic agreement that allowed Texas to declare it independent at any time.  This is incorrect.
All this is not to say that Texas doesn't have its share of heroes who rendered heroic deeds.  All states do.  Sam Houston was a great man.  I just wish that Texas would accept that their state is no better than any other.

In lieu of making any dramatic, sarcastic or deeply probing political statement this week, I've decided to probe the depths of the mind's infinite and make some predictions for the next few years.  Do keep in mind that I am clairvoyant and there should be no doubt that all of the things I am about to mention will happen, plus or minus 20 minutes.

1/20/2009 - The Inauguration of our first African-American President, Barack Obama, will have a decidedly awkward tone when, in an interview, Vice-President Joe Biden infers that Obama is "packin'" (his words) a handgun in his belt.  While this is merely a gaffe aimed at attracting NRA members to the Obama camp and not a commentary on blacks in America, it does reinforce the view that Biden has no real control of anything that comes out of his mouth.  This is scientifically confirmed two months later.

9/18/2009 - Much to Donald Rumsfeld's shock, the International Court of Justice won't accept "it was a teensy goof" as a plausible defense against allegations of war crimes.  He spends the rest of his life working off all the community service the ICJ pins on him. 

5/3/2010 - Dick Cheney, sick of being viewed as a heartless, evil, egomaniacal madman, begins penning children's books and sing-along albums.  Cheney's biggest hit is "Froo-froo Wuvvums and the Snuggly Wuggle Tree," a book about a small boy who finds love and redemption in hugging trees.  The irony is said to be palpable.

3/13/2011 - Opting to be a bit more sexist and draconian than in previous years, the religious right pledges they will only give their support to the winner of a GOP mud-wrestling contest.  Condoleezza Rice ultimately triumphs over Sarah Palin, and thus gets their mysterious and Mafioso-like blessing.  Mike Huckabee, who starts strong, is disqualified for a "party foul" when he knocks over James Dobson's red cup of Natural Light beer.

6/23/2018 - Former Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama team up for the big-budget buddy comedy "In da House."  The film spends three weeks at number one in the box office, eventually supplanted by Karl Rove's indie darling, "Eyeball in the Sleep Eternal."

Only one story today, but it was a good one and therefore easy to beef up.  I made a fancy infographic about where and what to bring for the homeless drive. i used a couple of royalty free pictures of cans. Then I added considerable bulk and information to the story, thanks to my natural reporter's instinct.  Sometimes I forget how freakin' awesome I am. So stinkin' awesome.

I spent the rest of the shift working on my big project (which is cookin' along) and listening to "electric avenue".

and now I am off, off to the spj constitution meeting. swoooooooooooosh.

Dear Mrs. Palin,
You were cute when you first burst onto the scene; adorable, really.  You were that oh-so-ingenious Republican curveball to try to throw off the momentum of the Democratic Party.  And throw it off you did.  You re-energized the base of the GOP and got them excited to have someone young, exciting, and attractive representing a party that is traditionally represented by pasty, old white men.   The sheer height of your miniskirt started a fatwa!  Sure, you weren't politically experienced outside of governing a state that essentially runs itself, but no one cared.  You were the wild one who would be what Obama had been to the Democratic Party: an exciting shock to the party status quo.

When you opened your mouth you were finally called on being a completely one-dimensional attempt to gain waffling Hillary supporters and guys who are into naughty librarians.  It started with the Charlie Gibson interview.  You floundered on the Katie Couric interview.  You dodged questions at the debate so you could remain on carefully choreographed talking points.  You called Obama a socialist, despite your governance over the most fundamentally socialist state in the Union.  You winked and acted so cutesy that even die-hard GOPites became sick of you.  The lipstick on the pig had faded.      

Now, for some reason, you've got it in your head that you're going to run for the presidency in 2012... never mind that this election isn't even over and some polls put you and McCain within single digits of Obama and Biden.  The McCain camp appears to be losing grip on the tight leash that you were on.



I think this is a very, very dumb idea, both for the country and for your self-esteem.  You have a demonstrably base understanding of domestic, foreign and economic policy and therefore would be an easily manipulated tool of the extreme right (much in the vein of our mutual friend President Bush).  I submit, Mrs. Palin, that you would end up either as a figurehead with a rubber stamp or a lightning rod of hate like Mr. Bush has become.  You really wouldn't want the hell that that poor man's life has become.

Have you ever considered a career in professional bull wrestling?

Love, Hugs and Moustache Kisses,
Andrew.

Covering for lara.

Holy God was Karma ever against me.  Last week I had one easy story so this week I got five horrible, horrible stories.

I had one package, which was easily posted and Brian helped me post all the web extras with it.  I had two stories that involved lines, one to see George HW Bush (I added information about tickets, the award he was receiving, and history on HW and KU) and the other about lines at the courthouse for early voting (I found some statistics online about Kansas returns and the results of the latest SurveyUSA poll done in the state.)

I had another story about how students had to choose between basketball and wathcing the election, which frankly was just an awful, awful story.  Brian showed me how to add a poll to the story.  I already voted on it.

My last story was about the addition of roundabouts to other parts of town.  I was planning on making a google map of the roundabouts, but I couldn't find any information (I guess the locations are still up in the air), so instead I added a roundabout usage tutorial and some statistics from K-State about how roundabouts will end all the worlds ills.

My head hurts, so I bid you farewell.

Sophomore year, I gave a presentation in my German class about the healthcare system of Germany.  My teacher was a real live authentic Berliner, so he was theoretically the best suited to teach the class (He was an excellent teacher).  However, during the presentation, I made one cataclysmic mistake.

I called the German government "socialistic".

Needless to say, this infuriated my teacher, who rabidly pointed out that Germany is not a socialist country and that there was not even the slight wiff of socialism in Europe.

I amended my presentation to say that Germany had modeled their healthcare system off the Clinton Plan (a decidedly socialist program).  Even though I was inferring that Germany had adopted a decidedly socialist healthcare plan, it was the word "socialism" that earned my teacher's ire.

There is absolutely no denying that most capitalist countries today exhibit very socialist traits.   With Bush's recent nationalization of banks, it seems even our bastion of Adam Smith-like utopia could fall to the scourge of Bolshevism.

I'm being sarcastic, of course.  Even if we don't want to admit it, our country has had socialistic tendencies for years.  Socialism as it's practiced in the modern world is merely the offspring of the Second International - that is to say that socialism is the practice of government intervention to regulate and maintain free market and the citizenship (social democracy).  We see this every day of the week - the government regulates business and taxes the people; social security gives money to the elderly; public education and unemployment benefits aid those who are between jobs.  Socialism has existed in Germany since the 19th century when the Social-Democratic movement picked up steam.

But why does the mere word "socialism" inspire such anger in people?  I choose to blame Karl Marx and Joe McCarthy equally. Both men fanatically believed that socialism was intrinsically linked to communism and the destruction of democratic social norms.  Both men were quite vocal to this point.

It is at this point that I must say that I in no way advocate the Third International's conception of violent revolutionary socialism or communism.  I'm just trying to point out that our system of government is already socialistic.  The concept of socialism is the idea that the government should be beneficial to everyone.  This doesn't run contradictory to our great democracy at all.

Hell, wasn't it the great Commissar Reagan who furthered the idea of earned income tax credits?

Very, remarkably slow news day, so I spent most of it working on the final project.  I'm now 3/4 done with my portion.  Yay for me.

Only had one story and some capture scratch for the sports guys.  The story was about wireless on campus, which I had already done in september.  I made a new google map of areas that would get wireless and when IT would come around to render assistance to those who needed it.  I linked to the old story, which more or less had the same information.  I think that's about it. GO AMERICA!

There is no way to get around this: our economy is flagging, failing and collapsing all around us.  People seem to be convinced that this is the end of our great nation.

Students, often victims of high-interest loans and substantial credit card debt, find themselves most at risk of our faltering economy and the limited post-graduation job prospects.  Some students can't even afford to go to college.   

 

Some so-called economic "experts" say that there is no easy fix for this broken economy and the doom that it seems to be spelling.

 

Andrew Neubauer, however, sees only tremendous opportunity.

 

The freezing of the commercial paper market, the rabid decline of the dollar, the credit default swap fallout, and the home lending crisis can all be solved with my patented quick-fix: we need to convert to the simpler, sweeter time of the SOVIET UNION!

 

Think of all the great things associated with Mother RUSSIA!  You don't have to think! The party will do all of that for you!  You don't need to worry about housing! You can live in a Glorious People's Hovel of Revolutionary Pride and Freedom!  Money is irrelevant, because the only thing you need to do is work on the communal farm for the party! You wouldn't even have to think! In fact, if you do, you'll probably end up in a salt mine of some sort.

 

The best part of this plan is that it works at all levels because literally any problem can be solved by the government dominating every aspect of your life. 

 

Am I serious? No, not really.  Do I see the US as completely doomed? No, probably not.  The greatest thing about this nation is the full-scale adoption of creativity and out-of-the-box thinking that has allowed us to extricate ourselves from this sort of thing before (see: 1930s, 1970s).  Are we, the future generation of this country, being made to take the biggest hit from the irresponsible actions of those who looked to make a quick buck?  Yes.  As a nation, we will recover from this, but the heaviest burden will be laid on students who took a chance on the education they couldn't afford.  The future of our country all too often is sacrificed in the now.  

I only had 2 stories and a package to do today.  And the stories were pretty weak to begin with.  One was about homecoming events, so i made a graphic about tomorrow's goings-ons.  I also included a link to the homecoming website.  The other was about re-naming the rec center after a guy who essentially committed his life to KU.  I made a google map of all the things he'd done on campus and embedded it to the story. 

Ran into some issues with the package - for some reason I am completely unable to get onto the server to get the "web extra" for the story.  It froze up.  Dick had to email me the text of the story to put in, but there was no way to get on to grab the extended interview.  Brian said he would try again tomorrow.  All of this was very exciting stuff.