Thanks to Rachel Bock for the fan art!
OBJECTIVE: Fulltime self-fulfillment with a paycheck, maybe in the news industry. Maybe not in America.
MARKETABLE SKILLS: Reading, righting and rithmatic. Also:
- Spanglish: Parachute me into Buenos Aires or Mexico City and I'll get you a taco and a cuba libre in no time. Your Hispanic constituents will love me.
- Digitalness: I can do things on the Internets. I can make you a cat blog.
- Multifacetedness: I can cover floods, frogs, cat ladies, council meetings, protests, anniversaries, deaths and more!
EXPLOITABLE TRAITS:
- Hypersociality: Since I require constant human interaction, I communicate most excellently.
- Fastidiousness: I am fastidious when presenting news to the masses. Like old man Gill always said: "There's the Wrong Way, the Right Way and the Gill Way." (Scientists have speculated that the Gill Way is the most desirable option.)
- Professionalism: I look good in a suit and can use jargon words with businesspeople. I work well with others, including women and most minorities.
- Caffeine addiction: I work nights!
- Youth: An excuse to lure me into a low-paying, entry-level position with the nebulous promise of "advancement opportunities."
- Impoverishment: I own a futon, a minifridge and a 1984 Cutlass Supreme. I have no union representation. I need your peanuts. Do with me as you will.
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