I am not a member of Hillel. I did not live in Naismith Hall. I don't even keep kosher.
My Facebook features me proudly displaying not one, but two cups of green beer in celebration of Saint Patrick and as I write this, I'm munching on egg-shaped chocolate (post-Easter half-off sale).
Notwithstanding all that, I am still Jewish and in about two weeks I will be celebrating the Festival of Eight Nights. Nope, not the one you're thinking -- Passover.
Hanukkah is over. It came and went right before Christmas break (winter break is a nice euphemism) without too much notice.
This Christmas season for me started a little after Halloween, when my roommate and boyfriend started singing/humming/whistling/belting Christmas carols. We had three Christmas trees of varying sizes in our apartment (courtesy of my roommates). Christmas music and Christmas movies and Christmas ads seemed to pervade everyday life with a never-before seen vigor.
"I feel it in my fingers. I feel it in my toes. Christmas is all around us, so let the feeling show…"
My feeling was slightly nauseous and irritated. I was sick of Christmas before Thanksgiving had showed up.
This summed up how I was feeling pretty well.
Source: http://fh2o.kuchingkayak.com
On December 4 (day one of the Festival of Lights), my boyfriend and I came home from class. It was about 4:15. Boyfriend, who'd been feeling guilty about imposing Christmas upon me three months early, suggested we go get a menorah.
There was 45 minutes until sunset. (All Jewish holidays begin at sunset.)
But where in small- (albeit liberal) town Kansas to find a menorah?
I searched Target's website - 16 hits for menorahs. We're about to run out the door, but wait. Let's call Target to double-check.
Boyfriend: "Hello, do you have menorahs in stock?"
Target: "I'm pretty sure we do. Let me check..."
"No, actually we don't. I'm sorry."
Thirty minutes until sunset.
Boyfriend: "Let's call Wal-Mart."
Irina: "F*ck that. I have standards."
Call Michaels.
Irina: "Hello, do you have menorahs?"
Michaels: "Do we have what?"
Irina: "Menorahs..."
Michaels: "I don't even know what that is."
Irina: (crying on the inside) "It's a...uh...candleholder for Hanukkah."
Michaels: "No. We definitely don't have any of those."
This is a menorah.
Source: http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~lipoff/friends/artistic/Menorah.html
Boyfriend: "Let's call Hobby Lobby."
Irina: "I heard they support Fred Phelps. No way would they have menorahs…I'm calling Wal-Mart."
Irina: "Hello. Do you carry menorahs?"
Wal-Mart: "What's a ‘menorahs'?"
Irina: "It's for Hanukkah."
Wal-Mart: "uh....hold please…"
(Christmas muzak starts. Five minutes later I hang up.)
Boyfriend is just getting off the phone. "I just called Hobby Lobby. They had menorahs, but they're out."
I'd already given up. I was busy watching the sun set.
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