Sam's Newsroom Top 10s

So, with greatest wishes to all of my journalism brethren, I offer to you the 10 things I will miss most -- and least -- about the newsroom.

The top 10 things I WON'T miss about the newsroom:

• 10. The filthy keyboards. Seriously. Have you seen them? The nice brown crust is a reminder that you were not the first to enter this place, and will not be the last, either.
• 9. The spastic mice in the computer labs. Why can't they just click like they're supposed to? I've never been so dissatisfied with a peripheral.
• 8. The cameras, mics, and tripods. If it wasn't one, it was the others. It's amazing we got anything produced.
• 7. Those damn Sports talk guys. I mean, seriously?
• 6. Slack-jawed stares from 415ers who weren't even close to having a story idea. God I miss corporal punishment.
• 5. The Sandbar. Seriously, people, it was fun once. And only once.
• 4. The way they clean all the bathrooms in the building simultaneously -- and always right when I have to pee.
• 3. Slack-jawed passersby making me feel like a goldfish.
• 2. Parking. Tickets. Need I say more?
• 1. And, the thing I won't miss MOST about working in the newsroom: Tuning to Channel 31 at 5:30, and watching, with increasing despair at 7:30, 9:30 and 11:30, the 22 minutes of dead air that was supposed to be KUJH TV News.

There are others, I'm sure, but they're either less significant or so traumatic that I've blocked them out. Luckily, there are things that I will miss.

The top 10 things I WILL miss about working in the newsroom:

• 10. "Veggie lunch."
• 9. Carlena. My saving grace on more than one occasion. You were always able to cheer me up on those days when all seemed impossible. You'll be missed.
• 8. Emus. They're edible, ya know.
• 7. The Multimedia Newsroom Coordinators. Part fifth-year senior, part disgruntled employee all mixed together with a dash of sass. Friends, mentors, saviors: keep holdin' it down.
• 6. Watching Uncle Rick's co-instructors increasingly cede the stage, overpowered by Rick's caffeine-powered antics.
• 5. Anchoring with a baton-twirling, attention-deficit, obsessive compulsive, concealed-carry licence bearing, 9MM strapping, daughter of Dolly Parton's drummer weather girl. Jennifer Jones, you're too much.
• 4. Uncle Rick. You've been one of the best teachers I've had, in two of the best classes I've ever had. You've been a mentor and a friend. We'll always have Toronto. Congratulations on your retirement; The future classes don't know what they're losing.
• 3. My star reporting team on Friday. Jessica, I'll never forget you asking the woman on the phone if you could talk to "Sara Lee." Yelena, you're the queen of the unnecessary standup. I hope I see you both on CNN some day.

  Dick Nelson, you've kept me in line and picked up my slack on more than one freaky Friday. Thanks for teaching me the ropes of producing and enduring my stressful lack of time management skills. I hope you can find a Friday producer with as pronounced a penchant for baking as Crissy and I have had.

• 2. Being locked into Dole working on in-depths, late night Final Cut serenades, coffee runs, and musical choreography.
• 1. But finally, and most importantly, I'll never forget the talent, originality, and humor of my fellow newsies. I've never been part of a group of people so inexplicably original, complex, and diverse, but that got along so fantastically well. I'm proud to call each of you my friend.

Well, that's all folks. Goodbye newsroom. Goodbye college. I know success is inevitable for each of us. So, I'll leave with this wish: Drop a line every once and a while.