Face off

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Photo: Mark Zillman
Eighty-five percent of college students are doing it.

Last semester, I attended the KU Etiquette Dinner to learn the proper way to eat during a business lunch or dinner. I can tell you it was painstaking to learn every little intricate area where I had to put my fork. We, the diners, were instructed that the proper way to thank a client or boss for lunch was to write a thank you note. An email was unacceptable.

But in today's 30 second sound byte world, I don't have time to write an email. I decided to write an email to myself and time it. After I typed in the address, subject, the pleasantries (hello, how are you, see ya later, sincerely Mark J. Zillman) I spent a good two minutes doing it.

That is unacceptable. Two minutes is a lifetime. That is a full TV timeout during a KU basketball game. I normally go to the bathroom, fix some nachos, chug a "soda" and have time to catch one of those ridiculously bad IBM server commercials before the game comes back on.

If only there were a way I could write one or two witty sentences about absolutely nothing but do it rapidly. Alas, there is www.facebook.com.

Facebook is the ever growing college (and now high school) online social networking spectacle. It includes more than 2,200 colleges and is the seventh most popular web site, just behind Google.

Facebook allows me to write a message on my friend's "wall," or message board, with ease. Of course, I have to search for my friends, ask them to be my friend, wait for a confirmation period, and then fill out additional information on how we are friends. After my friends confirm we are indeed friends by checking their email, then they can reply back that we are friends. My friends then can check their email to see if I have posted something on their "walls," log on to www.facebook.com and send a reply to my wall. Then I check my email and see if somebody has written on my wall.

Wow, that sure was a lot easier than writing an email!

Photo: Mark Zillman
MySpace.com, yours for only $580,000,000.99!

But it doesn't stop there. How about I create a profile on MySpace.com while I am at it. MySpace.com is the online social networking phenomenon that media tycoon Rupert Murdock bought for $580 million.

It takes too much time to go out and hang out with friends. I would rather they just checkout my MySpace.com site. It is simple and easy to design. But who wants a plain looking MySpace.com page? I can always spend a couple weeks on www.myspaceeditor.org, or even get a little flashy and pimp out my portal at www.pimpmywebpage.com. After a few months of staying online and pimping out my site, I might even meet the girl of my dreams and find one of Playboy's The girls of MySpace.

Once I get around 2,000 friends or so that I have only met online, there is no need to call them. Do you know how long it takes to scroll down my phone list or type in a number? Way too long. And it feels so 20th Century. Instead, you have to text message them. Forget about the tiny text numbers you have to punch in, or the 5 cent charge per message, you don't want to be analog in a digital era, do you? Of course not.

Speaking of digital, I sure as heck do not need that $2,799 Sony Grand WEGA 55 inch widescreen digital-cable-ready rear-projection LCD HDTV. Why in the world would I want that when I can download my favorite episode of Desperate Housewives or Monk for just $1.99 and watch it on my mammoth 176 x 220 pixel cell phone screen. Hooray!

With all of this great technology, why should I bother to ever go outside? The late Swiss novelist Max Frisch once said, "Technology... the knack of so arranging the world that we don't have to experience it." He might have been right. I wonder if he is on Facebook.

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This page contains a single entry by published on March 15, 2006 10:48 AM.

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